Help me get laid, win 10K from the bank.

[Quads]

The itch for me to get the smoker cooking again is here.
I'm struggling with what to cook.

Here are my options / thoughts:

Ribs
Pork Loin
Pork Shoulder / Pulled pork
Tri tip

I've got all of the above in the freezer, so tell me what to take out and defrost, and we'll get started.

Here's how you get your 10K from my stack.
You pick the meat, *YOU* provide the RUB / SAUCE and recipe.
Once there are a few submissions in this thread, I'll pick one of them, make it to your specifications this weekend, and let the magic begin.

*IF* I get laid, you'll get 10K from my stack, and a *full* trip report with enough picks that will melt a dial up connection. And if I get her drunk enough, the probability of NSFW picks is quite high considering she just got waxed today.

Get on it. It's a win / win for both of us.

[Swanky]

How does helping you get laid, help me get laid???
But fuck it, go ribs, ribs are always a winner, fuck cook me ribs and I'll root you myself.
:D

[Quads]

promise?

[Swanky]

Hey would I lie about sex and ribs???
:D

[Doctor_XXX]

You two been drinkin' again? :rolleyes:

[j p frog]

step by step instructions here:

http://perfectmancave.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7413

after you thaw the meat *(if it's beef, put a good layer of kosher salt on it for 1 hour...then rinse off.....pat dry with paper towels...)then use whatever rub you have handy for 3-4 hrs

then put in smoker and follow instructions above. Finish in oven after wrapping in foil. Forget the mop sauce...don't need it.

finished product is the best you have had. Good luck.

[JCinPA]

I say the pork loin. I'm assuming it's still rolled, not loin chops? This works either way, but more elegant when you carve it at the table.

from: http://www.virtualweberbullet.com/index.html

Sugarless Texas Sprinkle Barbecue Rub
-------------------------------------------------------------------
1/3 cup table salt
1/4 cup paprika
3 Tablespoons chili powder
2 Tablespoons ground black pepper
1 Tablespoon ground cumin
1 Tablespoon granulated garlic
1 Tablespoon cayenne
Combine all ingredients and mix thoroughly. Makes about 1 cup.

Roasted Red Bell Pepper Sauce
-------------------------------------------------------------------
3 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup red onion, chopped
1 teaspoon garlic, chopped
2 red bell peppers, roasted, peeled, and seeded
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup chicken or vegetable stock
salt and white pepper to taste

Heat olive oil in a sauce pot over medium heat; add onions and garlic, cook for 1 minute. Add bell peppers and wine, simmer until liquid has reduced by half. Add stock and remove from heat. Transfer to a blender or food processor and puree. Add more stock if needed for correct consistency. Season with salt and pepper. Serve over pork loin.

How to Roast Peppers
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Heat the grill, high heat. Distribute the whole peppers around the grill, leaving room to turn them. Using tongs, turn the peppers so each side gets at least some charring. The more charred, the more tender the peppers are. I like a lot of charring.

When peppers are finished, put them in a paper bag to cool or put them in a shallow dish and cover with plastic wrap. When cool, remove the skin with your fingers and a paring knife. It should peel off pretty easily.Don't worry about not getting it all off - a few charred bits will add flavor. Remove the stems and slit peppers open to remove the cores.

http://www.recipetips.com/images/recipe/vegetables/peppers_grilled.jpg

[Blake]

turkey breast...we're entering the thanksgiving season so it's time to start the "trial runs" ;).

Even better..smoke a turkey AND a ham..but the turkey on the bottoma nd the ham on top so that the lucsious pork fat drips down and bastes the turkey while they are getting their smokey love.

[gator20]

Ribs Ribs Ribs

This is from the thread I did about my brisket. The rub, mop sauce and BBQ sauce are unreal on ribs as well. Hope this helps you!!!

Recipes:

OK....here my recipes....

My rub:
1/4 brown sugar(packed tight)
1/4 paprika
2-3 tbs black pepper(to taste)
3tbls coarse salt
2 tps garlic powder
2 tps onion powder
2 tps celery seeds
1 tps cayenne pepper

Mix all ingredients making sure you break the lumps of brown sugar up.

My mop sauce:
1/2 cup of cider vineger
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 beer any will work
1/8 root beer
3 tbl paprika
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
Combine all

My sweet and spicy BBQ sauce:
2 cups ketchup
1/4 cider vinegar
1/4 worcestershire
1/4 brown sugar(packed tight) (more if you want it a little sweeter))
2 tbs molasses
2 tbs mustard
1 tbs tobasco
1 tbl of the rub you already made
2 tps liquid smoke
1/2 tsp black pepper
If you want it sweeter add more brown sugar and molasses and spicier more tobasco

Mix all ingredients over stove until it boils and simmer for 10-15 minutes, store it. It will keep for months if you put it in a mason jar or something like that.

Now to the brisket.

Rinse it under cool water and pat of with paper towels, put it in a foil pan andrub it with the rub(both sides) and put it in the fridge for 3-4 hours.

When smoking I start my charcoal in a chimney, when it is ready, put it in the smoker box and top with a pyramid of one part apple, one part cherry, and one part hickory wood. I like this blend, it is a smoky sweet flavor. Put the brisket still in the foil pan on the grill and let her go. Add charcoal and wood chips every hour and mop the brisket to keep it moist. You should probably figure about one hour of cook time per pound of brisket. Try to keep the temp in the smoker around 250 degrees, when finished the inside of the brisket will be about 150-160 degrees. The last hour of cooking I wrap the brisket in aluminum foil to keep it moist. Smoking will dry meat out.


Enjoy!!!

[km630]

Quads -- Welcome to married with children's-ville. I know what you asked for. But, my "recipe" does not depend on which meat you pick or the sauce or rub.

Number 1 -- Baby sitter (or parents) to take the kids for the night away from the house.

Number 2 -- Spa for her in the afternoon. Massage, manicure, pedicure, maybe a facial if she likes those things.

Number 3 -- While she is gone at the spa, clean house (or have the house cleaned) so that it is spotless when she gets home.

Number 4 -- Fresh flowers -- in vases.

Number 5 -- candles, candles, candles. The smelly kind that she likes.

Number 6 -- Good food (pick whatever you like).

Number 7 -- A very good to great bottle of wine. Preferrably two of the same. I highly recommend Silver Oak, because it is very good, not horribly over priced, generally available, and because it is pretty readily recognized as "good wine." But, you will probably know your wife's preferences.

Number 8 -- relax and enjoy having a quiet dinner with your wife. Everything else will take care of itself, if you know what I mean.

km630

[Slick]

pork shoulder/pulled pork.

using a cattlemens recipe:
Ingredients:
Apple Juice
Dry Rub (any store brand or your own)
French’s Mustard

Combine apple juice and dry rub and stir
Fill syringe with mixture and inject into pork, making sure to inject in several different places
Do not inject mixture while pork is on the smoker, it will dry meat out

Add mustard to shoulder, rub in and then cover entire shoulder with dry rub
Repeat on opposite side

Cook at 200 degrees
Smoke with fruit wood (apple and cherry)
(~1 hour per pound)


Sauce:
Cattelments Original w/ a little extra honey/brown suga.

[Richard Cranium]

Here's the rib recipe I usually use, with full instructions and pictures:
http://www.virtualweberbullet.com/rib1.html

Most important steps imo - 1) remove the membrane from the back of the ribs. 2) DO NOT over season the ribs. I did this the second time I made them and they came out way too salty. You want a slight dusting. I only sprinkle the rub on the top side of the racks now, and they come out perfect that way imo.

I also use cattleman's bbq sauce, mixed about 4-1 with honey.

Here's the rub recipe for the ribs:

Best Ribs In The Universe Rub
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup non-iodized table salt
1/8 cup brown sugar, dried
4 teaspoons chili powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon Accent (MSG)
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon black pepper, freshly ground
1 teaspoon granulated garlic
1 teaspoon onion powder

Here's mine about to come off the smoker with jalapenos visible on lower rack (recipe for jalepenos to come below):
http://www.santapoco.com/images/ribs0627/doneribs_sm.jpg

Sauced ribs:
http://www.santapoco.com/images/ribs0627/finishedribs_sm.jpg

Side dish you must make - "Atomic Buffalo Turds". These will accomplish your goal.

10 jalapenos, choose bigger straight ones that you will be able to fill easily.
1 package cream cheese
pack of shredded cheddar and jack cheeses
rolled italian sausage
bacon
midnight brisket seasoning rub (recipe below)

Cut jalapenos in half lengthwise. Use a spoon to remove all seeds and white ribs.

Open the italian sausage roll, put about half into a frying pan and brown, season liberally with the rub mixture while cooking.

Microwave the cream cheese for 30 seconds to soften it. Using a spoon, scoop it into the jalapenos. You can use the back of the spoon to smooth out the cream cheese and make a trough for the sausage.

Sprinkle some of the sausage on the top of the cream cheese in the jalapenos. Cover this with some of the shredded cheese.

Cut bacon strips in half, then wrap the strips around the jalapenos.

Place bacon wrapped jalapenos into a vegetable grilling pan. These are obtainable at Bed Bath Beyond, BBQ store, or any other similar place. I got mine for less than $10. The pan has holes so the smoke can penetrate and the bacon grease will drip away. Place this pan in the smoker at 225-250 for 2 to 2.5 hours.

Finished product:
http://www.santapoco.com/images/ribs0627/finishedjaps_sm.jpg


Midnight Brisket Rub
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
1/8 cup salt
1/8 cup black pepper
1/8 cup paprika 1 TBSP granulated garlic
1 tsp dry mustard

[bigslickwood]

OK, here's my rib entry. Sweet, spicy, smoky, apple-y ribs. Not sure why pork and apples work so well together, but they do. These are the shiz and the nit.

1. Get the ribs thawed, rinsed, and remove the membrane from the back.
2. Rub down the ribs at least 24 hours prior to cooking.

Rub recipe:
2/3 cup packed light brown sugar
2/3 cup white sugar
1/2 cup paprika
1/4 seasoned salt
1/4 smoked salt (you might be able to find this in a store, if not, smoke 2 cups kosher salt with your favorite hardwood (obviously for this recipe I'd recommend apple) for 20 minutes.)
1/4 cup onion salt
1/4 cup celery salt
2 Tbs ground black pepper
2 Tbs chili powder
2 tsp. mustard powder
1 tsp. poultry seasoning
1 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 tsp. ground allspice
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper

Mix ingredients and sprinkle/rub liberally into your meat.

3. Make your mop. This actually works great in a mister/spray bottle. You can just spray the ribs every 20-30 minutes while they are smoking.

Mop recipe:
2 cups apple cider
3/4 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup bourbon
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp. salt

4. Make your sauce.

Sauce recipe:
14 oz. ketchup
1 cup apple cider
2 Tbs. worcestershire sauce
1 Tbs. molasses
1 Tbs cider vinegar
1 Tbs. soy sauce
1/2 tsp. liquid smoke
1-1/2 Tbs. dark brown sugar
1 Tbs. white sugar
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
1/2 tsp. celery seed
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/8 tsp. ground cloves.

Mix all ingredients, bring to boil. Reduce heat, simmer uncovered for 30-40 minutes.

5. Smoke your ribs for ~3 hours at 225. Use apple wood to go along with everything else (cherry if you can't get apple). Squirt the mop every 20-30 minutes. After 3 hours, brush on the sauce and continue cooking at 225 for another 60-90 minutes until ribs are done.

[Quads]

Space reserved until I can get home...

Oh, quick question. Does she like her BBQ sweet or spicy? Both?

Yes.

[Pablo Sanchez]

How about grilling up this kind of fish:


http://www.jumponmarkslist.com/gio/2007/dvd/mb_trouser_trout_files/image002.jpg

[Quads]

How about grilling up this kind of fish:


http://www.jumponmarkslist.com/gio/2007/dvd/mb_trouser_trout_files/image002.jpg

I didn't know you were coming to dinner......

[bigslickwood]

edited my post above with recipes...

[Moddy]

I didn't know you were coming to dinner......

it might fall thru the grill....

[bigslickwood]

Here's another good rib recipe. A bit simpler.

Rub:
1/2 cup celery salt
1/3 cup paprika
1/3 cup dried garlic flakes
3 Tbs. ground black pepper

Apricot Horseradish Sauce:
1 cup apricot preserves (or apricot/pineapple)
1/4 cup bourbon
1/4 cup tomato paste
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
3 Tbs. cider vinegar
2 Tbs ketchup
1 Tbs. soy sauce
1 Tbs. molasses
2 tsp. worcestershire
2 Tbs. minced fresh shallot
1 Tbs. miced fresh ginger
2 cloves minced garlic
1/2 - 1 scotch bonnet, habanero or other hot pepper, seeded and minced
1/2 tsp hot pepper flakes
salt and pepper to taste
1 to 2 Tbs. prepared white horseradish.

Put all ingredients, except horseradish, in pot, simmer uncovered over medium heat until slightly thickened, about 10 minutes. Let sauce cool, stir in horseradish.



Smoke ribs as above.

[MsprinM]

pic or it didnt happen

[bigslickwood]

Brat's pics have been giving me wood all week. I think I'll be making one or more of the above recipes for this weekend.

His ABT's and my apricot-horseradish ribs might be on the menu...

[Quads]

OK, today is the day the smoker works it's magic. Tonights the night I get my mack on.
I've decided on ribs.
The ribs have been de-membraned.
They've been sitting / absorbing the dry rub for about 16 hours now (about 18 by the time they hit the smoker)
Also planning on a handful of chilies and mushrooms in the smoker.

I've made the mop sauce and it's ready to go.

I've been taking picks all along. So I'll post play by plays once it's all over.

Point of interest, when the mop sauce was done, I have the wifey a little finger / taste of it and it looked like she came a little.

Ribs will go on the smoker in a few hours, planning on eating around 5ish.

Timsta is also planning on coming over for dinner as well. I couldn't find the tripod for my camera, so I figured once of your best friends would be the next closest thing.

More to come later.

[SVTF]

Timsta is also planning on coming over for dinner as well. I couldn't find the tripod for my camera, so I figured once of your best friends would be the next closest thing.
More to come later.

Just make sure you are the one hooking up Q and don't let Timsta sit out by the fire with your lady all night and you taking the pictures of them.

[Quads]

Just make sure you are the one hooking up Q and don't let Timsta sit out by the fire with your lady all night and you taking the pictures of them.

Right now, that is the plan.

[bigslickwood]

Since mine and Gator's are the only two rib recipes with mops, which one you using???

damn doughboy and his PMC fatties contest, I want ribs!!!

[km630]

Did anyone win the 10K from the bank? Trip report? Inquiring minds want to know.

km630

[bigslickwood]

Did anyone win the 10K from the bank? Trip report? Inquiring minds want to know.

km630

x2!

[Rounder Wannabe]

Did anyone win the 10K from the bank? Trip report WITH PICS TO PROVE? Inquiring minds want to know.

km630


fyp

[Gerdass]

Exactly, Pics, or it didn't happen

[MsprinM]

Quads and Timsta have been kinda quiet. Was there some sword crossing we need to know about?

[Rounder Wannabe]

if there was i hope there wasn't eye contact between the two. would totally kill the moment

[Doctor_XXX]

^^^
Wahahahahaaha! Nice. :D

EDIT: chips sent...rep system wont let me send any rep your way. Grrrrrrr.

[Quads]

Need to find my camera.
Pictures speak volume.

[Debacle]

so far the pictures appear to be mute.

[mikeneron]

Either way, it will be a bust (get it)...LOL.

[Quads]

OK, so I decided on Gator's rub and mopping sauce.
I'll just get rid of the buzz kill right away. I didn't get laid, but it wasn't due to lack of effort on cooking ribs. Long story short, I spent most of the night up with Jacob, and then all morning and part of the afternoon in the hospital / dr.'s office and lab with Beth. No fun.

So, step by step picks and some closing thoughts.

The dry rub in the making:
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_01.jpg

And ready for rubbin'
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_02.jpg

Ribs (two racks)
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_03.jpg

De-Membraned
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_04.jpg

Rubbed and ready to go
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_05.jpg

http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_06.jpg

Smoker, and ready to roll, and getting started
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_07.jpg

http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_08.jpg

http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_09.jpg

I had some extra veggies so I figured I'd throw them on the smoker as well.
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_10.jpg

About 1/2 way through with another mopping of sauce.
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_11.jpg
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_12.jpg

The point in which I took them off the smoker, and while waiting for Timsta to get here, I threw them in the oven on warm (160*) to stay warm.
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_13.jpg

Ready to mack on
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_14.jpg
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_15.jpg

Timsta and the ever classic 80's Jack Daniels Shirt.
http://www.pcpotato.com/uploader/files/1/smoked_ribs_16.jpg


So, I orig. planned on about 4 hours for the ribs to cook in the smoker planning them at about 225* to 250*. Perhaps a gross mistake on my part, but they seemed to cook (initially) much quicker. They were ready in 2 hours.

The dry rub, AWESOME. Loved it, will use it again.
The mop sauce, I think I went a little too heavy on the tabasco and not so sweet on the brown sugar. They had more bite to them than they did more sweet. I'm usually a fan of both, and was hoping they'd have a sweet kick to them, but they didn't seem to. So, I'll probably work on this same recipe again, and tweak with the tabasco and brown sugar amounts.

In addition to that, I think while they looked, and initially felt like they were done, which the meat was cooked all the way through, and they were very juicy, I think they needed to cook a little longer, to get them to mellow out a little bit. It was like they were still a little 'tough' however they were cooked all the way through. It's like the texture of the meat wasn't as though it should be when (for example) ribs cook for 4 hours.

So me thinks that I need to bring the temp down and stay right in the 200 to 225* range, and extend the cooking time by another hour.

Overall, they were decent, but need some work to perfect. So I'll try this again, with a few tweaks, probably with ribs again.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

If Tim comes across the thread, I'll allow him (which I asked while we were eating) for a 100% honest critique on the food and input.

I didn't get pictures obviously of the wifey while we were knocking boots, again, Jacob was up all night, so no boots were a knocking, however, (puts hand on bible and Timsta can confirm this as it was kind of a treat for him) The Wifey came out from the bedroom wearing nothing but a t-shirt to get Jacobs bottle before turning in for the night. She hesitated about coming out, and I made the comment to her "come on out, it's not like Tim hasn't seen a naked woman before" so she strolled out, grabbed the bottle and pacifier, DROPS THE PACIFIER, bends over in front of Tim to pick it up and go on to bed.

Timsta and I BS'd out in the front room for another hour or so having another cocktail, talking politics. He headed home, and I went to deal with a crying baby from about 1AM on.

kthanksbye.

[timsta007]

Hey Q, thanks for having me over again to drool over the ribs and wifey. Definitely had a good time of it. Honest opinion of the ribs you pretty much covered in your post. They were very tasty but were heavy on the spicy and could have used some balance with sweet. Also the smoke flavor while delicious was pretty strong and almost overpowering. I put the leftover ribs in my fridge last night when I got home, and when I opened the fridge today, all I could smell was the smoke from the ribs through the ziplock bag. That will get worked out as you get better/more experienced with the smoker. Other than that was the falling-off-the-bone quality which I think could be acheived with a longer slower cook to break down the meat further. I think for back ribs the 2 hours would be ok, but for spare ribs I'd go with a 4 hour cook time at a minimum. Research up on the desireable cook temp to shoot for (my guess is around 200 or a little higher.

P.S. you wife looks every bit as good (if not better) nekkid, as she does with clothes on. Tell her I said so.

[Rounder Wannabe]

The Wifey came out from the bedroom wearing nothing but a t-shirt to get Jacobs bottle before turning in for the night. She hesitated about coming out, and I made the comment to her "come on out, it's not like Tim hasn't seen a naked woman before" so she strolled out, grabbed the bottle and pacifier, DROPS THE PACIFIER, bends over in front of Tim to pick it up and go on to bed.



i've come to the conclusion I need better friends after reading this.

[Quads]

Yeah, I forgot about the smoke being heavy.

I've done some reading and such and think I've figured out the issue on that in what I'm doing wrong and how I was using that mesquite wood I was starting with.

Hopefully I'll have that nailed next time, and can concentrate on tweaking / playing with flavor and spices.

[Quads]

And finally, as a college effort, and payment for the sauce / rub, although I didn't get stinky, I did pay Gator a 'good faith' payment as I did use his. However I have one other in there that caught my eye that I want to try as well. So stay tuned for the next go around.

[gator20]

Hey Q, from the looks of the pics and the description, I dont think you used my mop sauce. I think you mixed up my BBQ sauce and used that as a mop. Thats probably why it tasted pretty spicy, and probably is why it was a little tough. Mop sauces dont have any sugars and are usually based in a vinegar to keep the meat moist and tender. If you mop with a BBQ sauce or sauces with sugars they can glaze the meat and not keep it moist. On another note, keep playing with that recipe for the BBQ sauce, adding more sugar and less tabasco like you said. I make it like every few months and bottle eat.

[Shadow]

And not a single pic of the wifey, in any form.

:fail:

[gator20]

Also, glad you liked the rub!!!

[MsprinM]

Holy Shit you hang out with Zelda! Thats Awesome

[Debacle]

i've come to the conclusion I need better friends after reading this.

Funny, I was thinking the exact same...

[Wedge Rock]

This thread does not deliver.

http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i252/tinhuutruong/1075345582.jpg

[CRAW]

Q, I'm tellin' you, don't use mesquite wood. Use oak, apple, cherry, peach, peacan or even hickory. Mesquite is just way too over powering. Regardless, those ribs looked great, and I'm sorry to hear they weren't what you were hoping.

I hope everything is okay with your little ones too - I know that's no fun at all. :(

[gator20]

Oh yeah...I agree with CRAW....in my original recipe thread I mentioned I use a mixture of apple, cherry and a little hickory. Works great!!!!

[bigslickwood]

Mesquite is the devil's wood.

[Quads]

Mesquite is the devils wood.
Now you guys tell me that.

To hell with all you sonsabitches.

[km630]

Mesquite is NOT the devil's wood. You just need to use it a little more carefully. In south Texas where the shit grows like weeds, we know how little you should use. But, I think it imparts one of the best flavors into meat.

km630

[Richard Cranium]

When cooking ribs, they'll look done fairly quickly, but you know they are done by the tear test. Grab two ribs at the bones, and pull apart. If the meat tears between the ribs with very little effort at all, they're finished.

Or you can try to spin one of the bones, if it tears free of the meat cleanly its definitely finished.

[bigslickwood]

A little mesquite with beef might be OK. IMO, it overpowers pork.

[j p frog]

Mop recipe:
2 cups apple cider
3/4 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup bourbon
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp. salt



this spray mop is the shiznit!


as a diabetic I don't use apple juice...but substituted in some sugar free powdered apple drink mix from wally world....o/w made it the same...used my usual rub on the ribs and did the spray mop every 1/2 hour for 5 hours...fuggin ribs were out of this world! thanks.....:)